Dealing
with separation or divorce during the holidays can be a stark reminder of
happier times. This is especially true for children. No matter how angry you
may be with your spouse, he/she is the parent of your children. Respect that.
Keep your children’s best interests as the top priority. Do not speak
negatively about your spouse or make kids feel “caught in the middle.”
Develop a parenting schedule. Indiana
Parenting Time Guidelines offer schedules for holiday time, but we know that
holidays don’t often work that way. While you may want to consider the
guidelines, make a schedule which fits your family. Stick to the schedule. Drop
off the children on time. Each moment is precious for them. Delays can result
in larger conflicts.
Consider Family Traditions. Holiday traditions are one thing children can
look forward to even in difficult times. If your family has holiday traditions,
make efforts to continue them. If the divorce or separation is recent and you
believe it may be difficult on the children, consider a vacation or start a new
fun family tradition that the children can get excited about.
If
historically your family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve and your spouse’s
family celebrates on Christmas day, create a schedule so that the children can
participate and enjoy both families’ traditions each year.
Alternatively,
it might make sense to alternate holidays rather than break up the day for the
children by going to two homes. Doing so can create a relaxing day, instead of
one spent racing from one get-together to another.
Communicate. If the
children are not with you for the holidays, call them or send cards or emails.
Consider celebrating before or after. Children love celebrations and gifts any
time. Create a special day for you and them. If the children spend the holiday
with you, let them speak with the other parent.
If
the children are too young to call, help them make or receive a call. Give them
a quiet moment together.
Coordinate gift-giving. Ask your
ex-spouse what he/she plans on giving the child. Share your plans as well.
Help
your children buy or make a gift and card for the other parent. Offer to take
your children shopping to buy presents for the other. For young children
especially, this is an exciting time, and they want to give as much as they
receive. Put your feelings aside and take your child shopping for the other
parent. Building healthy relationships with both parents creates a winning
situation for everyone.
Remember,
your spouse will be in your life long after the divorce and the children are
grown. The more you are able to communicate and co-parent, the easier the
transition will be on you and your children.
At
Hollingsworth & Zivitz, P.C., our team has the experience, the
understanding, and the compassion to assist with your family law needs. If you
have questions or concerns regarding divorce, custody, support, or any other
family law issues contact our firm at 317-569-2200 or hzlegal.com.
Happy
holidays to you and your family!
